Kaelana QHHT Practitioner 

My Near Death Experience 1993 - 

 

 

 'The day I Woke Up' 

[10]  I turned off the industrial floor sander at the switch by my thumb. sighing "Aahhhh relief", from having finished sanding the floors safely. The widest smile broke through the sawdust on my face like sunlight in a dark forest. It's over! Goodbye to the noise, dust, aching shoulders, the vibration, those dirty old floorboards - gone.

[9]  The whining monster of a machine was slowly grinding its thick sanding belt to a halt. Triumphantly I pushed the heavy sander toward the bulk of its chord to be packed up. It had to be back at the rental place before the shop opened. From side to side my head shook in disbelief as I laughed through clogged nostrils. Relief!

[8]  My dry, irritating thirst became overwhelming as I noticed the power lead had slid just under the belly of the heavy metal machine. For safety, I cautiously lay the floor sander on its back in order to move the power chord out of its reach. From a crouched position; AS IF THIS WERE ANY OTHER MOMENT, I flicked my middle finger to bring the chord toward me.

[7]  Instantaneously my fingers-hand-arm gripped stinging jolting live power that flung my jaw wide open. One long piercing cry poured out from my depths. Watering eyes near blew from their sockets as the force willingly contracted my free hand onto the other hidden cut wire in the chord. Fear stampeded its way into my soul... I could not let go!

[6]  Electricity savagely thumped its path into my left hand, through my heart, down to my right fingers, racing back and forth a zillion harrowing times a second. Two hundred and forty volts ravaged the entirety of my body from the inside out, relentlessly smashing me like kicks from a thousand horses' hooves, over and over kicking and kicking and splitting me.

[5]  Excruciating tortuous agony invited terror in full force to consume me. I was losing my mind. Every drop of my body tasted the nightmare, each muscle contracted as power forced its charge down into my toes and back up, racing furiously to meet more electrical watts speeding horizontally within my captured body.

[4]  Through desperation my mind thrust air deep into my stomach as my whole body shook like the ground through a major earthquake. Soul piercing screams invaded my ears with distressing, daunting fear. Only my eyeballs could move. They searched and pleaded for sanity or another human being to cut the power switch at the wall.

[3]  There was no one to help me. Time stilled to forever. . . Tears endlessly poured over my cheeks and flew off almost horizontally from my squat position.  Like vultures, panic, terror and torture ate at me.   I knew my mind was near lost and death within reach. My pathetically screaming, helpless, physical body allowed the electrical current to violate me.

[2]  Gripping on life, my inner breath continually thrust itself through the dying madness into my shuddering body. Overwhelmingly I was inspired to acknowledge the emotion devouring me. "THIS IS FEAR" I stated firmly in my mind, hearing the words clearly and without interference. Then as readily as the fear had come upon me, the fear vanished.  As if in meditation, I focused on pushing the breath inward, outward, through the pulsating power that was killing me.  Penetrating screams suddenly ceased to deafen me.

[1]  Innocently I knew I was dying, that even if someone turned up now, they could not help me to die. I realised this is truly one thing that no other human can help us with. I had to die all on my own; separate from being physically alone. Yes, all on my own- something each and every one of us must do.

Death; my God-given GIFT, in this moment. . . belongs to me.

I was unafraid. My body became accustomed to the endless torment. 

Like black clouds vacuumed from a blue sky, my mind cleared. I thought for an instant over my life. Looking from my physical eyes through the house, to the back door, I realised... no one was coming to help. "My cigarettes!" I was prepared to let them go, even relieved, and the tortuous throbbing softened.

A tingling sensation moved my awareness to the back of my neck, below my skull.  As I felt myself moving up and out, maybe from a vertebra, the sense was as though I were being released from prison. I experienced total peace and complete freedom from pain - of more than the physical torture I had endured. I didn't realise until leaving my body, how much pain I was suffering, simply by being locked inside it.

Immediately I was aware my mind and body were separate. That was fantastic! I had once thought that being my body was all there is. I experienced ultimate relief, feeling as though I were a 'Genie in a bottle' that had escaped as a gas through an opening. I began dissipating, expanding, my mind increased in awareness. It was a beautiful, free, satisfying and everlasting feeling.

Blissfully I was now sitting up in the roof, watching, enjoying, like in a dream. I observed all of my house, the surrounding land and my physical self bent over the chord attached to the sander. Nothing seemed unusual or moved me, I could hear no sound except for my thoughts.

I became more expanded, more clear-minded as I rose above the house like a hot air balloon, seeing all, near and far. It was like smoke disappearing into the air. I felt All; Everything; like being expansion, being LOVE, consciousness. A completely euphoric experience.

As I felt close to the Spirits (that means so much) I was unquestionably safe, directed, LOVED, completely 'part of'.  And knew I had come HOME. . . There was connection and communication through mind, like telepathy.  Knowing. Being. There was a joining and my purpose given- it was a knowing. All was eternal, timelessness.

The whole experience was not like one thing happened and then the next.  It was more expanded, all happening in the same moment without limits of time and space.

There was a ?? - it was like a 'second death'. All was so completely changed again, so expanded.  It was a letting go, again, further, into something different. It was formlessness. I was becoming, a being of infinite atoms, maybe coloured or black and white as on a TV screen tuned to a channel that has ceased transmitting. 

Somehow (my) Spirit was 'seeing'. I was aware of the physical self and all that was happening around its world. Almost as though  looking through a microscope into a grain of sand, but from being more than the size of a universe. 

At the same moment I was 'seeing' what was happening by Spirit. It was different from the way one would look through the physical body. Seeing by Spirit was similar to feeling, yet more like knowing; being. 

I experienced a uniting, as though my mind were a drop of water - that drop became one with the oceans. The feeling- knowing-awareness of this, was: 'THIS IS REAL'. Life as I had known it, was me dreaming.

Then I was seeing - as in a dream - the physical me and all that was happening around me. It was as though I were asleep dreaming, while consciously being in the dream. My Spirit continued expanding while observing all of this as though in outer space. There are no words to express another dimension, for that we must BE to KNOW.

 Continually expanding in timelessness, I was blissfully being united with 'all of me'. Then instantly... 

I WOKE UP! 

I awoke from my physical dream. 
DEATH IS AN AWAKENING.
 
I knew my entire being had been impressed with choice. I knew I could choose and there was One Voice. 

Looking far into the 'atoms' - as though I were deep space - I watched my entire physical life almost as though it were a movie; the screen could have been a 'distant planet'. I observed everything in my life WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.  At the end of my life, when I saw my house, myself and my 'death', I realised I had not finished building my house.

During the entire 'death experience' my awareness remained. It was like, being aware of falling asleep and dreaming (dreaming what we call life on earth), but 'awake' and 'sleep',  ('death' and 'life') were reversed.  What we think of here as 'being awake', was 'being asleep'. So I was simply aware of waking up again from sleep.  In comparison, death, (or what we may think of as limited), is life. And now I know 'life' here on earth 'is NOT all that there is'.  

Fully aware of the 'Spirits', I stated (in the same mannar we would normally think aloud in our mind) "I want to live!  Please help me to live!  Please be with me!"  And I knew I was dead and in no pain.

Abruptly all was pure blackness, my consciousness still with me, as a vicious force threw me from the eternal 'world'.

Like being struck by lightning, I was hurled back toward the body from a great height, instantaneously in touch with my Godly-aware mind. 

My physical self was also being thrown, about to land right shoulder first onto the veranda floor. I watched this FROM OUTSIDE OF THE BODY as my Spirit was entering the body through the chest (heart Chakra) area.

The physical body and I thumped the floorboards beside the sander with a jolting force. Instinctively I knew to get away from that machine, scrambling like an injured lizard to move the body about two meters. The mass of flesh and blood pulsating with electrical current was excessively convulsing. Scanning the body my mind concentrated to get it to breathe.

It began breathing! Deeply. Sound appeared with the body's roaring.

Knowing that I (my mind) was all right, I began to tune into the body which definitely needed help. It continued zapping while I forced air deep into its abdomen in an attempt to ease the shuddering. I lay the human form on its stomach, placing its head to one side - much like a puppeteer would care for her puppet.

Through thunderous screaming breaths my mind thought "I need help, must get to some help". Strangely, the consciousness that thought this, was exactly the same as before coming into this physical form.

Knowing where to go for help, I moved the body a further four meters to the ladder, with the aid of its head, forearms and knees. Like a sausage on hot coals the body sizzled, it felt like pockets of flesh and skin would spew open to let the insides out for relief. Intense tormented breaths exploded outward as the ladder absorbed the bumping of the limp body still infected with the electrical currents furiously pouring through it. I wondered why since it was no longer paralysed onto the cut power lead?

Maybe I walked after I slumped to the ground? I'm not sure. Here I began trying to comprehend past and present and "What is happening to me"? I felt like I had held onto the power for about an hour. Before that, I was turning off the sander, so I could pack it up and "I need help! Must get to some help". I guess I was delirious getting myself to the road as I barely remember that 40 meter journey; just a glimpse of the girl who once was...

In this moment, it was as though I were in two places and two moments, seeing 'myself' before, or maybe after the accident? This happened on the way from the house to the road, at the caravan where my son and I were living. It was a strange, seemingly silent pause; my standing looking at myself in the doorway.

The next memory is on the way to a neighbour’s - a further 50 meters down the road. It was as though a huge hand was holding the body around the waist keeping it upright and walking it as though it were a puppet. I could still feel the electricity shooting within the body!

I was looking through the physical eyes, yet perceiving by my Spirit. A car was coming down the road behind me. I knew it was a woman driving. Without turning my head, desperate to flag her down, to make her stop, I roared at her in my mind, "Help me, I need help, I've been electrocuted", while something walked the shaky legs and the body bellowed its agony. As the car moved past without stopping, I physically observed the woman driving. My mind raced forward the remaining 50 meters to Peter and Katie's front door. Howling through each agonising step I wondered if I would fall to the ground?

I observed Kev and Dianne's tall front stairs and although it was closer, I knew I could not make it up there, so I locked my sight onto Katie's front door. The body's cries and footsteps continued until it collapsed, then my mind dragged the hapless body toward the closed door to summon help.

Horrific base bellowing summoned Peter and Katie impulsively from morning sleep to their front door. Two sets of bare feet hurried to greet the wailing body as the door flung open. As Peter bent to pick me up I lunged backward. "Don't touch me", I shrieked, somehow believing he would be zapped on contact. Miraculously, through the moaning, I managed to blurt out "I've been electrocuted".

Heroic Katie, keys in hand paced her way to the car. Her words came calm and insistent, "Hospital says wrap her in a blanket and get her down there. Peter! Put her in the car". The next door neighbour Kev, (safety officer from the pistol club) appeared and barked "Call an ambulance"! I yelled "The power, turn the power off, the power's got to be turned off". As he approached I protested "I'm not in the ambulance" (fund) then screeched at him "Don't touch me"!

Kev's wife Dianne and their two children were standing on their high steps staring at me on the ground. Dianne babbled "We heard something but the kids were crying and anyway we thought it (the screaming) was coming from the bush". I felt anger! Fury swept through me. She was saying that, she was standing there watching me; she heard my dying screams! The wrath I felt eased my body of its excruciating, stabbing throbs.

Katie halted her reversing car beside me, with the door swung open. "Are you cold?" Katie's compassionate voice inquired. "I don't think so" come my first normal reply, as I looked down at the body I was in with child-like curiosity.

Kev, beginning to run up the road, called out "I'll go turn the power off", (good safety officer). Peter neared to lift me from the grass while I yelled, "Don't touch anything" and Dianne and her boys stared at me; they just kept staring. Peter moved me into the car, I was terrified...The METAL! I couldn't touch the seat belt buckle; it was all too much...

So I um... tried to roll a cigarette. I did not notice my hands burning (yet) only that they were not the same. I concentrated every ounce of me into making this shit-rolled cigarette. In panic I realised I had to touch the metal on the lighter... so I did! Relief, arrgghh groan. I lit the lighter again for my rollie, then studied the metal on the seat belt. "Too big metal, I am not touching it"!

Katie flew her car above the road to the hospital. I could not smoke my rollie or it went out. I remember putting it in my pocket feeling so, so grateful that I had my hat on and to be arriving at the hospital. Grateful too, for the existence of the hospital, somehow like I had conjured it up in my dream.

There was a special awareness floating around me of being Spirit and being inside this body, yet not the body, aware of its pain, yet not the pain, aware of the 'death' that is really life and aware that this is all just a dream. Bliss and pain were somehow fused yet separate and I was in love with my breath.

Katie guided me to a hospital seat where I lay straight down still groaning. As she left to move the car and the nurse helped me to the bed, I had feelings similar to earth tremors constantly moving through my body. One nurse hooked up the body to a machine, another appeared through the oxygen mask being fitted to my face. I was sure they would give me a needle. During the blood pressure reading the body began having seizures. A leg or other parts of body would radically throw themselves without me telling them to. Then...

"Breathe this, it is oxygen", demanded the nurse.

"Call the doctor in", urged the other voice to someone standing near.

I did not trust that people in hospitals know what they're on about, so I asked the oxygen nurse, "What will it do to me"? I was incapable of taking off the mask, but held it out from my face. Horrified, the woman answered " I don't know what it will do but you could have heart failure and might die without it".

So I breathed the oxygen realising 'this is serious' and controlled how deeply I breathed. My intuition knew not too much too quickly but my head and body began to spin ever more and I slumped into the mattress yowling ooohhh aaaaahh yaagghhh.

As the nurse asked me to be quiet for something on the machine, I held my breath in its buzzing cage. Suddenly the blood pressure bag on my arm pumped up. Like a wild terrodactyl, panic set in! It triggered off terrified wails as I thought I was being electrocuted again.

No one told me they were taking my blood pressure.  "Is it normal, is my reading normal?" I pleaded with the busy nurse. "Everything's normal" her words echoed in my head as I dropped back onto the bed, scared, relieved, breathing, ooahh-aah-ing. The sister at the door called "Keep the noise down". I knew she didn't mean it.

People were fussing around the body, I couldn't comprehend what was happening. No one connected with me. It was very strange how the people dealt only with flesh. It was as though they couldn't see me inside the body. "These are not real people", I thought. This was the first inkling I had, that the world had changed.

Next, my teeth began chattering hard and fast as though my jaw was going to skewer itself through my eyeballs. I could barely see the curtain around the bed and there was no one in there with me. My filthy hat was still on my head, my face caked in sawdust and I was freezing. I stared at the dirt and sawdust over the white sheet and the rubber-soled shoe by my knee. Attempts to remove the other shoe left me reduced and even more helpless.

Eventually I was draped in one or two blankets, I wished it were twenty! Blood pressure again- a nurse warned me this time. Where's the needle? They didn't give me a needle. Realising this flooded happiness through my pain.

Much later, two nurses, informed me that the doctor would know where or if the power came out, by the melt-holes left in my hands. I think this had something to do with my heart? They seemed to think it was important. When the Doctor finally did arrive she asked for the nurses' advice. Bloody hell! Do they know what they're doing?

Gradually my teeth settled to a jjjrrr clack-clang and the bitter cold continued to bite at me. When the body was unplugged from the heart machine I was stunned to know they had put all those suckers on my skin. Maybe they did give me a needle I didn't know about?

A silent nurse, hastily wheeled me in a chair to the ward. I loved the ride like a little girl on her first merry-go-round. Nurse 'Silent', impatiently left my weak shaking legs holding the tortured body upright beside the tall bed, while she swiftly removed my fun (wheelchair) from the room. She left me and my deathly thirst unquenched. Hand in pocket, I pull out my rollie and believe I can walk normally. I staggered to the door a meter away and fell into a chair.

Bandaged thumbs and fingers try to light that shit-rolled cigarette. I could not light the next one either but tried to smoke it anyway.

"God! I am thirsty as a desert". My arms and legs helped me to battle across the floor to the bathroom like a tortoise, under the curious eyes of three women rigidly sitting in monstrous beds. After heaving my body onto the toilet bowl for relief, the nurse of silence appeared to help. She cursed as she carried me to and put me in the bed this time.

I was exhausted, mindless; alive?  Just like in a dream.

In Gratitude
Kaelana